Holidays are some of the best times of the year! However, for people struggling with addiction and recovery, that’s not always the case. As a result, here is some advice for families during the holidays that may be helpful.
Families and friends come together to be with each other’s company, eat food, and watch some football. Unfortunately, tensions can run high, egg shells can be cracked, and a Thanksgiving dinner meant to highlight our blessings can turn into a Thanksgiving mess. A family therapy program can help.
The Danger of High Expectations During the Holidays
As much as we like to think the holidays are all about love, food, and presents, they can be some of the most stressful times of the year. The holidays can include immense distress, conflict, and even overindulgent behaviors that turn into regrets. These problems can happen to any family, but they are usually intensified for families with members who are actively abusing drugs and/or alcohol or in addiction recovery.
These families are tasked with managing alcohol or drug addiction issues while also maintaining the peace. Clearly, this can be emotionally overpowering. Nonetheless, these issues must be handled delicately or unresolved issues can turn into further separation from the active user or a relapse from the person in recovery.
Addiction treatment centers, addiction counselors, and psychotherapists all work with those in recovery and their families to help prepare them for the holidays ahead. One of the crucial things during these times is an open line of communication between the family and the member using or in recovery. The family should address their concerns and talk openly to their loved one about them. A person in recovery should be able to give constructive advice on how to help them through these times. To do this, you may need help. Call us today at 888.707.2873 to learn more about our family therapy program.
Managing Unrealistic Expectations
At Coalition Recovery, we have found out that many families need to re-explore their expectations for the holidays. Most often, families have expectations of a perfect “White Christmas” with the loving family all having fun playing games by the open fire. This picturesque scene is possible, but often rare during the holidays for many families. Coming into the holidays with unrealistically high expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and more stress. The person in active addiction or recovery will also feel these strain and can bring troubling anxiety and pressure that could lead to using.
An important thing for a family to realize is that even if a family member is in recovery, they may not (and at most times are not) blissful and happy. These members in recovery are struggling with navigating through the holidays without falling into the pressures of drinking or using.
This stress alone can be enough to push them over the edge. Expecting them to be cheerful may be setting yourself up for disaster because you may respond in a negative fashion that can make matters worse. For the best outcome, be aware of possible attitudes and respond with receptiveness, empathy, and understanding.
How to Handle a Love One with an Active Addiction
If you have a family member in active addiction, your first thought might be to forbid this person from coming to the holiday celebrations altogether. Forbidding a loved one to attend a family gathering could have further consequences. Addicted individuals could feel further guilt, shame, and isolation leading them to use even more.
Nevertheless, family members have a right to be concerned about the effects of having an active user participating in family events, especially if children are present. Unfortunately, things can escalate and get out of hand rather quickly. Nothing ruins a Thanksgiving dinner like watching Uncle Johnny and Cousin Bobby hash out their differences while the turkey is being carved. If this individual is invited, it’s a good idea to establish ground rules and behavioral expectations.
More importantly, consequences need to be established and enforced to prevent enabling the addictive behavior. It’s also a possibility that the person in active addiction may not want to attend the holiday party at all. Addiction can tear relationships apart and rehashing these broken relationships while in addiction can be extremely difficult and painful for both parties. If they don’t wish to attend, it’s important to realize the holidays may not be the best time to come together.
Supporting a Loved One in Recovery
Many families of those in recovery are concerned about them during these times. These times can be tough for everyone involved, especially if this is their first holiday sober in some time. With everyone drinking and having fun, relapse is always in the back of the people’s minds. Families need to take the threat of relapse seriously without smothering the recovering person’s ability to have fun. To have an effective holiday without a relapse, steps need to be taken before the holidays begin.
Counselors at Coalition Recovery suggest sitting down as a family and talking through what can be done to make the recovering individual more comfortable during these times. Talk about the potential challenges they may face and what types of triggers may be present such as drinking or relationship conflicts.
Another good idea would be to talk to the recovering individual’s counselor or psychotherapist and/or attend an addiction recovery group like Smart Recovery to understand what other people may be going through and learn some advice.
Drinking is as much a part of the holidays as is football and mashed potatoes. However, this is one of the most stressful components for someone in recovery. Alcohol consumption increases dramatically during these times of the year. It can be stressful for a recovering alcoholic because alcohol tends to be a central part of most gatherings and parties.
Banning Alcohol Isn’t the Solution
Banning alcohol might seem like a good option at first, but it might not be the best approach. It could cause other family members to resent the person in recovery for “dulling” the party. As a result, this individual may feel guilty for being in recovery. Obviously, that’s not what you want.
It should also be noted that a family member may not be happy being around the person in recovery. Addiction can cause a disruption in many relationships (especially family) and these wounds may not be fully healed yet, despite the person being sober.
This is why communication with these people is important to keep tensions low and create a calm environment for everyone. Once things start to get out of hand, it can be too late for damage control. Fights and outbursts can be an additional stressor for relapse.
If relapse does happen, the family should take immediate action. It’s often best to contact their therapist, psychiatrist, or an addiction recovery support group in order to find the best course of action. Sometimes, admittance into a treatment facility can be the best option over the holidays. Take the relapse seriously and take immediate action.
How to Let Go
Before you can manage the holidays, you must take care of yourself first and foremost. These times can be filled with physical and emotional challenges. Without adequate sleep, a nutritional diet, and exercise you might not be able to handle them in the most effective manner.
Additionally, partaking in support groups geared toward families like Smart Recovery can help you reach out to people who share similar experiences. You may indeed have been understanding and sympathetic through the recovery process. However, you may harbor resentment if they continue to relapse over and over. When this happens, generally the family feels hopeless as the fatigue sets in. As a result, they tend to lash out toward the individual. Clearly, this will only exacerbate the problem.
As hard as it might be to accept, the only one responsible for the actions of a user or person in recovery is themselves. The solution is ultimately in their hands. However, with enough patience, empathy, and love they will eventually be able to become clean and stay that way.
How to Avoid Your Relapse During the Holidays
Make preparations in advance
It’s smart to assemble and organize a kit to help during holiday situations. This kit could include the recovering person’s sponsor and/or therapist. If the individual in recovery is traveling, it’s always smart to have some reading material to relieve stress. These can be anything from AA’s Big Book to a journal.
Enter early, depart early
For people in recovery, it can be smart to attend holiday parties early and leave early as well. Most drinking during a party happens toward the end of the festivities. Don’t worry about offending the host. Let’s face it: your sobriety is more important.
B.Y.O.B. (bring your own beverages)
Bringing your own beverages to parties will alleviate the chance of there only being alcoholic drinks. This will enable you to have control over what you drink. Relatives may not understand the importance of recovery and having one drink. However, by having your own drinks, you can ensure you aren’t tempted to drink what is readily available at the party.
Have an escape plan
A situation may arise where an argument takes place or you feel pressure from others to drink. If that happens, you will need to take corrective action as quickly as possible. People in recovery must remain confident that they are the ones in control of their sobriety. They should know and understand that it’s not the family’s responsibility to keep them sober (although the family should try to accommodate and make it easier for them).
Recovery During the Holidays Can Be Rough
If you’re having difficulty with recovery during the holidays, family therapy could help. If you have any questions about family recovery, there’s help in Tampa, Florida. Call us at 888.707.2873 and we’ll be glad to help.
